Your Mind Garden: Tend it or Bend it?

A few months ago, at 20, mental issue struck me for the first time. It was not severe, but it did interfere a lot with my routines and productivity. Constant negative thoughts distracted me from completing homework. Fears occupied my brain for hours and hours. It was unlike any sadness or worry I've had before!

Even though I hated how my brain controlled my mind at the moment, I'm not going to complain. Looking back, I think this is an essential part of anybody's growth. Being lost in the process completely changes my approach to life and answers the question "Am I enjoying it?" In fact, we each own the power to create happiness in our hands!

These are 5 things that I've learned for myself by trials and errors during that period. Hopefully this can be a practical reference for somebody going through similar issues, or even my future self given another psychic tsunami.

1. Trust Enough To Share:

I used to refuse sharing these things with people, assuming it's too complicated for anyone to understand. It's not necessarily fear of judgement, but simply the thought that nobody has undergone similar struggles. My problem is one of a kind. It's unusual. It's more serious. I kept telling myself.

NO! IT'S NOT...

Eventually I came to realize there is no "better" or "worse" mental issue. His worries about unemployment is no better than my fear of illnesses. Her sadness about a broken family is no worse than your lack of self-confidence. We all undergo different forms of mental struggles, but their effects on us are equally detrimental. That's why there's always someone who knows the feelings and is ready to help! It's important to have trust in these people, to trust that they will listen, understand, and give valid advice. When stuck in a negative cognitive loop, following a new advice brings opportunities; otherwise there's no way out. "Nobody will understand" seemed to be just an excuse to mask my laziness in winning over this whole mental battle!

Once I started to open up and take the words seriously, not only did I sense the spark of optimism, but I also learned more about what my closest ones have been through. As natural as it is, when somebody was in our same shoes, the bond between both grew so quickly that it would soon eliminate our fear. We're no longer the odd one out!

2. Family Is An Option:

I used to hide everything negative from my family. I was uncertain of their reactions. If my parents knew about my anxiety, especially when they're doctors, would they assure me by putting me through tons of check-ups? What if these check-ups led to the discovery of illnesses? That already sounds scary to me. What if they became even more worried than myself about my conditions? What if...?

But then I think about it, family, to me, is the safest haven. Dad may be too hot-tempered and Mom may be overly grumpy sometimes.Yet, they are better life experts than I thought they are. When I stopped talking to friends about my conditions for fear of wasting their time, I took my courage and turned to Mom. I trusted she had the patience to give me constant assurance.

First few times, she was soft and gentle. She gave me a lot of helpful advice, and told me it's a normal process with young people. Her words lightened my anxiety. I trusted her expertise. During my two weeks at home, I asked her for affirmation on my health conditions almost everyday. At the beginning of week two, she lost her patience and scolded me for asking the same things all over again. It's weird, but being yelled at suddenly worked for me. My brain was cleared and my anxiety quieted down, day by day!

3. Choose A Good Source of Energy:

My boyfriend once told me a cheerful surrounding would influence my mental health in a positive way. Social media nowadays is covered in too much gloominess. Reading a complaining post from a friend or a dark news could affect my mood, so I tried to focus on brighter aspects of it. That can be spending time with happier people, listening to good music, following motivational figures, watching something peaceful, or reading a good book. For me, as I realized I've been so bad at catching up with long-distant friends, I spent a whole weekend calling and chatting with a few of them. I was overjoyed knowing how well they are coping with their adult life and reminiscing on those high school days. I love watching family vlogs to see how peaceful and simple life is to these parents, even when it's complicated by the kids. I'd also recommend "My Stroke of Insight" by Dr. Jill Taylor, as it's such an inspirational story about training your brain to be optimistic. These activities will vary from people to people, but it all came down to one simple rule: choose only what makes us better!

4. Do One New Thing for 30 days:

This speaks for itself, doesn't it? When I feel too anxious or worried, I only wanted to lie in bed for the whole day pondering over what happened. Doing nothing and being unproductive only added to my stress. Those days, although still healthy, I couldn't feel the excitement every morning after waking up. I was bored of the daily routines, of going to classes, doing homework, and working. I even wondered what's life and why everything exists around me.

I knew it was time to try something different, beginning with changing my sleeping habits. Although I'm still working on waking up to the alarm, I'm getting used to going to bed before 12:00am. Adding this small element to my routine is having a huge impact on my lifestyle. Even though it's just one new thing, it actually leads to changes in other aspects of my life as well. For example, to have a good sleep before 12:00am, I have to procrastinate less to get my tasks for the next day done. I have no other options since I can't trust myself with getting up early enough to finish the leftovers. The result? I feel more energized, accomplished, and of course, less anxious!

Everyone can pick anything they want to try, as long as this new habit makes them feel better. The key here, however, is consistency for at least 30 days. I've read somewhere that an activity only turns into an automatic habit once it's been practiced regularly for at least a month. Pass this threshold and a new habit will emerge!

5. Be A Good Source of Energy Yourself!

Now that I am aware of positive energy, I started to think in broader terms. If we need a cheerful mind around to keep us happy, we can't be a sad potato ourselves all the time. There must be give and take, because somebody might benefit from our own optimistic aurora. As I think about this, I also recognized the role of gratefulness. It's essential to be grateful for what I'm receiving, and for the people that helped bring it into my life. I am learning to stop complaining, turn a blind eye on gossiping, and help people more. It will be very rewarding to see how my efforts could actually comfort others!

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It's definitely not an easy process, but I am grateful that I can still find a self-practiced solution for what I was going through. To me, these 5 items do not necessarily apply only for mental issues, but they're rather recipes for a less stressful life. After all, willingness is all one needs to start off with!